Lately, I have been feeling very frustrated and have felt lapses in self-control and motivation. I stepped on the scale yesterday to see a frightening number: 147 (that's right, accountability comes back to haunt me).
I spent most of the day Tuesday feeling sorry for myself. But you know what, there are a lot of people out there in the world who have worse problems than a lack of motivation when it comes to fitness. And unlike people who have those larger, pervasive problems to worry about, I can do something about it.
So sack up, girlfriend, I said to myself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Do you know how lucky you are to be able to do something about your problems? So do something.
Yesterday I attempted to take a morning run (since my class days are Tuesdays) but a late night prior (writing papers) means that I was all about continuing to sleep past the 5am running wakeup.
This morning, I tried again. I groaned as my alarm went off at 5am, but I shouted to myself, channeling my inner Jillian Michaels, "Get the hell up, Erika, you're f***ing running today. And I do not feel bad about making you do it."
An invisible hand (Jillian? Is that you?) yanked me out of bed to turn off my alarm and pull on a bunch of spandex (and long sleeves, yikes this morning was chilly!) It was still dark outside, so I put on my light-up slap bracelet (which I haven't had to use since we sprang forward in Daylight Savings Time), downed a Fiber One protein bar and a few sips of the open Gatorade in my fridge, and set out into the early pre-dawn morning.
This was also a new experiment for me in that I did not bring headphones with me for music or even Zombies, Run! I like to run with fast music, and let's face it, 'Ye at 5am is not exactly great for someone who is not a morning person.
I don't care how much something that doesn't kill you can only make you stronger, Kanye, it is too early for you.
So I was left alone with my thoughts in the pitch black of a Wednesday morning as I'm still battling peroneal and tarsal tunnel pain in the same leg. Yep, this just got interesting. My internal dialogue was firing on all cylinders.
Hey Erika, it's your left leg here, and guess what, I'm really hurting.
Yeah, I know, shut up, running is actually making you hurt less, so joke's on you.
Oh, um... well it's your esophagus now, and you forgot to take your GERD medication before you went out to run, and now I'm just buuuuurning.
Yep, got it, won't make that mistake again, and I'm blasting you back to hell with pantoprazole as soon as I get home.
Fine, I'm your stomach now, and that Gatorade is sloshing around a bit!
Dude, I had like 5 sips of that Gatorade before I went out for the run. There is no way I drank enough to have any kind of sloshing. I do believe it's your imagination, so leave me alone.
Crap. Well now I'm your lungs, haha! And I'm feeling a little bit constricted right now. How you feel about that?
Psychosomatic, my dear lungs. There's nothing wrong with my breathing right now, so shut it.
Fine, I'm your brain now, and I will not turn off with continuously writing a blog post in your head about this run you're doing right now.
That's just fine, brain, I was planning to write a blog post on this run anyway. You're just running out of ways to psych me out, aren't you?
What? No! Erika! Up here! Look, I'm the Metra train, and I've stopped at the Oak Park station right as you're running underneath it so all the commuters can ogle you, the weirdo running down the street at 5:30am!
Whatever, they're a bunch of people that have to be on a Metra train to go to work as early as 5:30am. They won't find it weird, in fact, there's about a 99.9% chance that I got up later than them. Nice try!
Dangit. Uh... I'm the sun, rising and flooding the sky with a beautiful tapestry of pink and purple and orange as you head into the home stretch.
I know, I noticed! Thanks, you are quite beautiful! This is very nice!
Hey Erika, now I'm your front door. Oh. You're done.
You bet I am! Perfect timing to shower and get to work!
So guess what? I went on a 5am weekday run before work without music and it did not beat me. In fact, it really wasn't that bad, and I think I may do it again. It was such a different experience running around my usually bustling neighborhood and have it be totally empty and quiet and cool and dark.
The beauty of it especially was that I got home in the afternoon and was able to devote time to running the errands I needed to (as well as writing this blog post) instead of feeling the stress of having to plan a run in there too.
And you know what, self-control? I'm bringing you back. I'm bringing strong back. I'm bringing motivation and ferocity back. I'm bringing it all back. You've all got a lot to worry about, little voices that were in my head this morning. Because starting back up right now, you're working for me.
Showing posts with label running. Show all posts
Showing posts with label running. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Race Review: Biggest Loser RunWalk 15K
It is really difficult to approach the review of the Biggest Loser RunWalk 15K race. The packet pickup/expo occurred on Saturday and the race occurred Sunday, and both days were just really some of the best days of my life.
My SparkPeople vlog I did can probably best describe my expo day, which essentially had me leaving the expo in happy, honored, and speechless tears. It also had me feeling like I could have run a marathon Sunday. It was very smart to do the expo with lectures on Saturday prior to the race -- it was the perfect motivation for the race the next day.
I woke up early Sunday morning feeling nervous and tired. Thankfully, I was armed with ENERGYbits and so on the el train on the way down to the Museum Campus, I downed the requisite serving. You can read my bits review for further info on that, but I'll go back to the race itself.
My mother and I walked to Soldier Field from the el station and got there about half an hour before race time. We checked our bags at gear check and hit the portapotties (which had a super long line) before we went to the start line. Got out of the stall and, bummer, no hand washing station. Gross.
But there was no time to wander around looking for hand wipes or sanitizer or anything, as Dolvett was on the stage at the starting line and we had to make a mad dash for the incredibly crowded corral. It was a little bit too crowded, especially considering that it really seemed that the number of entrants was not hugely massive.
But I took to heart the advice that Francelina gave me Saturday: "Let everyone go ahead of you. The first few miles should not feel like work." So I let it slide that I was sitting in like the 11:00 corral and just went with it. Luckily, when our wave came up to the start, I realized I was actually in the very front of the roped-off wave, so I was golden.
As we passed the start, just off to the left was a platform on which stood Dolvett, Danni, Dan and Jackie, cheering us on as we started off. My wave was released and I headed off. I followed Francelina's advice to the T and started as slow as I could muster, busting ahead of the handful of folks in front of me in the wave but feeling no further need to get ahead of anyone.
I was feeling phenomenal throughout the entire race, but it particularly opened up after the 5K and 15K courses split, which was only after about 1.5 miles. It was also at the Inspiration Station featuring Pam and Jackson. I reached out to Pam, who knew who I was at that point. She immediately recognized me, grabbed my hand and said "Hey! Run with me for a minute!" and she fell into my stride next to me. "How you doing, doing good?" and I said, "Yeah feeling great!" She said, "Great! Good luck, and see you at the finish line!" She then returned back to the little event tent she shared with Jackson.
After the split, the course opened up. With fewer 15K run participants than, well, anything else, there was just a huge amount of open space for the remainder of the race, which was such a luxury on the lakefront trail.
I literally was smiling throughout the entire race. I don't even know what was going on, but I felt I could have run for a decade. I was just so happy and excited and empowered that I just kept pounding the pavement with pure delight. Particularly around Mile 6, there was a little outcropping in the trail and the entire Chicago skyline was on a big vista right in front of the course. Several racers in front of me stopped to take photos -- I didn't, but that provided a huge boost for me. It was a perfect day weather-wise, completely clear, and the entire city was basically on a platter on this vista.
Around Mile 7, farther than I have ever run before in my life, I pounded a Gu. It was my first experience with gels, but I think I timed it properly (not only did I intend to take it at Mile 7 but it was also the exact time I felt a pang of hunger).
I was just happily running and then realized that I was about to round the corner to the finish. From the corner to the finish, it was really only about 0.1 or 0.2 miles, and I turned it on. I have never before found the power to sprint for a finish at any distance, but I saw that the finish was super close and I all-out sprinted. There were all these people lining the finish cheering and screaming and pushing me onward.
I then saw my mother, who had been waiting at the finish since she completed the 5K about 40 minutes earlier. She was snapping photos and I quickly hugged her on the run before I crossed the finish line. One of the organizers was at the finish with a microphone to meet me, and she gave me a high-five as I happily passed the finish with music and cheering pounding in the background.
I got my medal, my first 15K medal, and dug into the boxes lining the post-finish line: water, banana, bagel.
My mom and I wandered down to the finishers' area where 5K awards were being handed out. I picked up my bag from gear check and did my post-race interview with Biggest Loser RunWalk after having done the long background interview with them during the expo the day prior.
I finished with a 1:34:25. I'd told Jeff during the expo that I hoped to finish in 1:30. However, I was perfectly happy with the 1:34:25 time. It was my first time running that far and long ever and the fact that I finished feeling so good and not like I was going to die was so important for my first 15K.
Again, more is in that vlog on SparkPeople, but even after the race was a continuation of the phenomenal experience. Afterward, I still ended up being OK. I was sore and had to get on a plane just a few hours later for work, but I wore some compression socks for the remainder of the day, including in the airport and on the plane, and I felt OK.
If you ever have the opportunity to do a Biggest Loser RunWalk event, I highly recommend it. It was probably top to bottom one of the best experiences of my life. It was not only the race but the expo as well. The entire weekend was so phenomenal that I cannot say enough about the race series.
Keep an eye out for my video interviews on the Biggest Loser RunWalk website! I will definitely alert everyone when I see it, but keep an eye.
Completed:
Biggest Loser RunWalk 15K
August 4, 2013
Chicago, IL
1:34:25
My SparkPeople vlog I did can probably best describe my expo day, which essentially had me leaving the expo in happy, honored, and speechless tears. It also had me feeling like I could have run a marathon Sunday. It was very smart to do the expo with lectures on Saturday prior to the race -- it was the perfect motivation for the race the next day.
 |
| Race morning |
My mother and I walked to Soldier Field from the el station and got there about half an hour before race time. We checked our bags at gear check and hit the portapotties (which had a super long line) before we went to the start line. Got out of the stall and, bummer, no hand washing station. Gross.
But there was no time to wander around looking for hand wipes or sanitizer or anything, as Dolvett was on the stage at the starting line and we had to make a mad dash for the incredibly crowded corral. It was a little bit too crowded, especially considering that it really seemed that the number of entrants was not hugely massive.
 |
| The starting line |
As we passed the start, just off to the left was a platform on which stood Dolvett, Danni, Dan and Jackie, cheering us on as we started off. My wave was released and I headed off. I followed Francelina's advice to the T and started as slow as I could muster, busting ahead of the handful of folks in front of me in the wave but feeling no further need to get ahead of anyone.
I was feeling phenomenal throughout the entire race, but it particularly opened up after the 5K and 15K courses split, which was only after about 1.5 miles. It was also at the Inspiration Station featuring Pam and Jackson. I reached out to Pam, who knew who I was at that point. She immediately recognized me, grabbed my hand and said "Hey! Run with me for a minute!" and she fell into my stride next to me. "How you doing, doing good?" and I said, "Yeah feeling great!" She said, "Great! Good luck, and see you at the finish line!" She then returned back to the little event tent she shared with Jackson.
After the split, the course opened up. With fewer 15K run participants than, well, anything else, there was just a huge amount of open space for the remainder of the race, which was such a luxury on the lakefront trail.
I literally was smiling throughout the entire race. I don't even know what was going on, but I felt I could have run for a decade. I was just so happy and excited and empowered that I just kept pounding the pavement with pure delight. Particularly around Mile 6, there was a little outcropping in the trail and the entire Chicago skyline was on a big vista right in front of the course. Several racers in front of me stopped to take photos -- I didn't, but that provided a huge boost for me. It was a perfect day weather-wise, completely clear, and the entire city was basically on a platter on this vista.
 |
| Rounding the finish |
I was just happily running and then realized that I was about to round the corner to the finish. From the corner to the finish, it was really only about 0.1 or 0.2 miles, and I turned it on. I have never before found the power to sprint for a finish at any distance, but I saw that the finish was super close and I all-out sprinted. There were all these people lining the finish cheering and screaming and pushing me onward.
 |
| Francelina and me after the finish |
I got my medal, my first 15K medal, and dug into the boxes lining the post-finish line: water, banana, bagel.
My mom and I wandered down to the finishers' area where 5K awards were being handed out. I picked up my bag from gear check and did my post-race interview with Biggest Loser RunWalk after having done the long background interview with them during the expo the day prior.
 |
| Mom, Jackson, me and Pam after finish |
Again, more is in that vlog on SparkPeople, but even after the race was a continuation of the phenomenal experience. Afterward, I still ended up being OK. I was sore and had to get on a plane just a few hours later for work, but I wore some compression socks for the remainder of the day, including in the airport and on the plane, and I felt OK.
 |
| Jeff, me and Francelina after the finish |
Keep an eye out for my video interviews on the Biggest Loser RunWalk website! I will definitely alert everyone when I see it, but keep an eye.
Completed:
Biggest Loser RunWalk 15K
August 4, 2013
Chicago, IL
1:34:25
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Race Review: BTN Big 10K
The BTN Big 10K holds a very special place in my heart. Not only because as a grad student at Northwestern, I get the opportunity to celebrate the Big 10 conference and my status as a Wildcat, but also because this race symbolizes my runnerversary.
You may have seen me use this word on Twitter in the past few days. What does it mean? It's the anniversary of when I started running. In other words, it is the anniversary of the day that I changed my life forever.
One year ago, I heard radio ads for the inaugural BTN Big 10K, and having already spent a few months in grad school, I thought it sounded fun. I signed up for the 5K -- the first race for which I had ever voluntarily registered. I was still about 30 lbs overweight, but was determined to do it.
Come race day, I'd never run before, but I vowed to try to jog as much of it as I could. I finished the 5K in 41:09, and was totally exhilarated.
After a few days, once my soreness subsided, I wanted more. I wanted to run. I bought a Couch to 5K program for my phone and the rest, as they say, is history.
This year, I was pleased to find out that the Big Ten Network had indeed decided to make this an annual event, and I signed up for the 10K race only hours after registration opened on the website.
Friday night, now a seasoned runner, I did as any nerdy runner would do. I laid out my clothes for the next morning, down to the socks, and meticulously packed my race bag (selecting a bright yellow bag that I'd gotten from a previous race so as to make gear check easy).
Saturday morning, I hopped on the first el train downtown (literally, the first train of the day around 5:30am), and joined the pack of people maneuvering to the new start/finish location near the Adler Planetarium. I was seeded in the F corral, but the corraling was a little disorganized, with people jumping flimsy barricades and stone fences when entrances to corrals got packed too tightly with people.
The corrals, in my opinion, were still a little too over-full for the size of the course, and Mile 1 was largely spent bumping into people. The lakefront trail is not a wide avenue, and much of the race I felt boxed in and stuck by the swell of people. I think my pace probably suffered as such.
I ended up being about two and half minutes over my goal finish time, finishing with a 59:19. I wasn't happy about my time, but I did also hit a big wall at Mile 5 with a problem that seems to keep happening.
This particular time, I was breathing fine, my heart rate was fine, but yet, suddenly, it felt like my lungs were in a vise. I could still breathe just fine, but the chest pressure of course made me panic, which made me then feel even more like my chest was being crushed. It was a big vicious cycle. Does anyone else experience anything like this? If so, how do you combat it, distract yourself, or at least calm yourself down so you don't end up making it worse? This has happened my last two 10Ks and it's really caused issues for my times, not to mention my sanity!
My own problems aside, while I was happy that the race had such a great response and I believe the organizers said they tripled their registrations from the previous year, I think that the literal width of the course is just too small for that many people.
There was a huge crush of people after crossing the finish line as people filed by to claim their medals (which, however, are really sweet and shiny -- see left) and it was literally like herding cattle.
The organizers do have to consider how a bottleneck venue will perform with as many entrants as there were. It was a bit of a mess as people (very) slowly shuffled to claim snacks, water, Gatorade, and bananas, then proceeding to the medals.
Of course, all in my corral had the same gear check station, sectioned by bib numbers (of which all in the corral were of the same bib range). So as lines were scant at other gear check locations post-race, since of course my entire corral finished at basically the same time, there was a huge line to pick up gear at my section.
I picked up my free school sunglasses (thankfully I didn't go to Illinois -- that sunglasses line was longer than the free beer line, whereas Northwestern's tent crowd was nonexistent). After picking up and guzzling my free beer and my free chicken sausage, I was about done with the crowds and was just so tired. I ended up stopping for breakfast at a nearby breakfast place on Michigan, but then headed home.
Do I regret doing this race with those... disappointments in mind? Absolutely not.
My runnerversary is a reminder of how far I've come and how much my life has changed in the past year. In a way, this race is responsible for my entire transformation. I'm a runner now. I have my good and bad races and my pace isn't perfect, but I am a runner.
Completed:
BTN Big 10K
July 27, 2013
Chicago, IL
59:19
You may have seen me use this word on Twitter in the past few days. What does it mean? It's the anniversary of when I started running. In other words, it is the anniversary of the day that I changed my life forever.
 |
| After the 2012 BTN Big 10K (5K) |
Come race day, I'd never run before, but I vowed to try to jog as much of it as I could. I finished the 5K in 41:09, and was totally exhilarated.
After a few days, once my soreness subsided, I wanted more. I wanted to run. I bought a Couch to 5K program for my phone and the rest, as they say, is history.
This year, I was pleased to find out that the Big Ten Network had indeed decided to make this an annual event, and I signed up for the 10K race only hours after registration opened on the website.
Friday night, now a seasoned runner, I did as any nerdy runner would do. I laid out my clothes for the next morning, down to the socks, and meticulously packed my race bag (selecting a bright yellow bag that I'd gotten from a previous race so as to make gear check easy).
 |
| Before the 2013 BTN Big 10K |
The corrals, in my opinion, were still a little too over-full for the size of the course, and Mile 1 was largely spent bumping into people. The lakefront trail is not a wide avenue, and much of the race I felt boxed in and stuck by the swell of people. I think my pace probably suffered as such.
I ended up being about two and half minutes over my goal finish time, finishing with a 59:19. I wasn't happy about my time, but I did also hit a big wall at Mile 5 with a problem that seems to keep happening.
This particular time, I was breathing fine, my heart rate was fine, but yet, suddenly, it felt like my lungs were in a vise. I could still breathe just fine, but the chest pressure of course made me panic, which made me then feel even more like my chest was being crushed. It was a big vicious cycle. Does anyone else experience anything like this? If so, how do you combat it, distract yourself, or at least calm yourself down so you don't end up making it worse? This has happened my last two 10Ks and it's really caused issues for my times, not to mention my sanity!
My own problems aside, while I was happy that the race had such a great response and I believe the organizers said they tripled their registrations from the previous year, I think that the literal width of the course is just too small for that many people.
 |
| Shiny medal! |
The organizers do have to consider how a bottleneck venue will perform with as many entrants as there were. It was a bit of a mess as people (very) slowly shuffled to claim snacks, water, Gatorade, and bananas, then proceeding to the medals.
Of course, all in my corral had the same gear check station, sectioned by bib numbers (of which all in the corral were of the same bib range). So as lines were scant at other gear check locations post-race, since of course my entire corral finished at basically the same time, there was a huge line to pick up gear at my section.
I picked up my free school sunglasses (thankfully I didn't go to Illinois -- that sunglasses line was longer than the free beer line, whereas Northwestern's tent crowd was nonexistent). After picking up and guzzling my free beer and my free chicken sausage, I was about done with the crowds and was just so tired. I ended up stopping for breakfast at a nearby breakfast place on Michigan, but then headed home.
Do I regret doing this race with those... disappointments in mind? Absolutely not.
My runnerversary is a reminder of how far I've come and how much my life has changed in the past year. In a way, this race is responsible for my entire transformation. I'm a runner now. I have my good and bad races and my pace isn't perfect, but I am a runner.
Completed:
BTN Big 10K
July 27, 2013
Chicago, IL
59:19
Monday, July 22, 2013
From Obese to Elite
I went to the doctor today for an annual check-up, and I informed him of my weight loss and the fact that I am a runner and training for a half marathon.
He did the usual stuff after we went over my history: checking my ears, throat, lungs, heartbeat. He noted that my BMI was very good and well within the healthy range. Then he did something that surprised me. Now knowing that I was a pretty intensive runner, he had me lie down on the exam table and then took my heart rate to measure my resting heart rate.
When he announced the resultant number, it was all I could do not to drop my jaw in shock.
He measured my resting heart rate at 44.
44.
According the to the Mayo Clinic, that is about the resting heart rate of a well-trained endurance athlete. Another site suggests it is the heart rate of an "elite athlete."
Luckily I had told my doctor that I was a runner, because he said that otherwise, that sort of heart rate would cause concern (bradycardia), but for me just signals "a great deal of cardiovascular activity."
But let's think about what a resting heart rate of 44 really means. It means that my heart is now able to work so ridiculously efficiently as a result of all my cardiovascular exercise (running) that it only need beat 44 times a minute in order to deliver the necessary amount of oxygen throughout my body. Most healthy adults (who don't run 15-20 miles a week as I do) have an average resting heart rate of 60-100 beats per minute.
My mind is still basically exploding from this news. Eighteen months ago I was obese and sedentary. Even just six months ago, several months after I'd started running, I'd measured my resting heart rate to be nearly 90. The title of this blog post is quite literal. In 18 months, I have gone from obese to elite athlete.
Recently, I'd been having some motivation problems. I had been feeling defeated by recent (small) weight gain and less than favorable training sessions. However, this news has most certainly strengthened my resolve, to the point where I cannot wait for that next 80 minute run.
I am an elite athlete.
There is no possible way I could let that go to waste.
He did the usual stuff after we went over my history: checking my ears, throat, lungs, heartbeat. He noted that my BMI was very good and well within the healthy range. Then he did something that surprised me. Now knowing that I was a pretty intensive runner, he had me lie down on the exam table and then took my heart rate to measure my resting heart rate.
When he announced the resultant number, it was all I could do not to drop my jaw in shock.
He measured my resting heart rate at 44.
44.
According the to the Mayo Clinic, that is about the resting heart rate of a well-trained endurance athlete. Another site suggests it is the heart rate of an "elite athlete."
Luckily I had told my doctor that I was a runner, because he said that otherwise, that sort of heart rate would cause concern (bradycardia), but for me just signals "a great deal of cardiovascular activity."
But let's think about what a resting heart rate of 44 really means. It means that my heart is now able to work so ridiculously efficiently as a result of all my cardiovascular exercise (running) that it only need beat 44 times a minute in order to deliver the necessary amount of oxygen throughout my body. Most healthy adults (who don't run 15-20 miles a week as I do) have an average resting heart rate of 60-100 beats per minute.
My mind is still basically exploding from this news. Eighteen months ago I was obese and sedentary. Even just six months ago, several months after I'd started running, I'd measured my resting heart rate to be nearly 90. The title of this blog post is quite literal. In 18 months, I have gone from obese to elite athlete.
Recently, I'd been having some motivation problems. I had been feeling defeated by recent (small) weight gain and less than favorable training sessions. However, this news has most certainly strengthened my resolve, to the point where I cannot wait for that next 80 minute run.
I am an elite athlete.
There is no possible way I could let that go to waste.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Getting Personal: Madivation (When Motivation Comes from a Bad Place)
What motivates you to go running? I don't mean the long-term goals, like losing weight or running a half-marathon. I mean your day-to-day motivation. The thing that pushes you out the door on any particular day. Had a bad day? Compensating for an unhealthy lunch?
When I started running, my motivation came from negativity. I was living in a very toxic environment in terms of my relationship with a family member with whom I shared a home. I would get home from work every day and immediately run out and seek refuge on the road or at the gym. My sprint out the door accelerated if we were fresh off a shouting match, which was often.
I would go out and just run, and run off all my anger and stress. It worked miraculously. After all, I did lose a lot of weight during the time I spent at home. If the shouting match was particularly spectacular, I'd sometimes do a near sprint for an hour and return home nearer to 9pm so I wouldn't have to spend a lot of time at home in my waking hours.
In March, I bought my own place and moved out. I was living on my own again, and immediately I felt more at peace and less stressed. I was golden, right?
Not quite.
Soon after moving, I felt my motivation waning. I'd force myself out the door to run, but I didn't enjoy it anymore. It didn't give me the same exhilarating stress release that had made running so attractive to me in the first place. They won't even good runs -- I'd usually run a mile, then get winded and stop for a few minutes. I felt so defeated. Where did the adrenaline go? Where did my "dammit, Erika, keep pushing" disappear to?
In moving away and thereby "losing" my biggest motivation, though from a negative place, had I lost my motivation altogether?
It's taken me this long to figure it out. Where the heck was my day-to-day motivation going to come from now?
I'm still trying to find new motivation, but I believe that now I'm on my way. Today, I stepped onto my scale to see a troubling number, though one I'd expected given my less-than-disciplined July 4th weekend. Over the past month or so, I've gained back nearly 10 lbs after losing so much. I thought back to how much self-control I had when I hit my goal. I missed that. Today, my motivation was to get that back.
My eating was spectacularly controlled today, and I capped it off with probably one of my best training runs ever. I feel good, in control, and pumped up.
So maybe that's it. I need to remember this feeling and remember that going out and having a great run will make me feel this good. I still need to find other sources of motivation that don't come from negative emotions, but for now at least, I think I've re-discovered my mojo.
It's never comfortable feeling so out of control. Wherever the motivation comes from, it's time to take back the reins.
When I started running, my motivation came from negativity. I was living in a very toxic environment in terms of my relationship with a family member with whom I shared a home. I would get home from work every day and immediately run out and seek refuge on the road or at the gym. My sprint out the door accelerated if we were fresh off a shouting match, which was often.
I would go out and just run, and run off all my anger and stress. It worked miraculously. After all, I did lose a lot of weight during the time I spent at home. If the shouting match was particularly spectacular, I'd sometimes do a near sprint for an hour and return home nearer to 9pm so I wouldn't have to spend a lot of time at home in my waking hours.
In March, I bought my own place and moved out. I was living on my own again, and immediately I felt more at peace and less stressed. I was golden, right?
Not quite.
Soon after moving, I felt my motivation waning. I'd force myself out the door to run, but I didn't enjoy it anymore. It didn't give me the same exhilarating stress release that had made running so attractive to me in the first place. They won't even good runs -- I'd usually run a mile, then get winded and stop for a few minutes. I felt so defeated. Where did the adrenaline go? Where did my "dammit, Erika, keep pushing" disappear to?
In moving away and thereby "losing" my biggest motivation, though from a negative place, had I lost my motivation altogether?
It's taken me this long to figure it out. Where the heck was my day-to-day motivation going to come from now?
I'm still trying to find new motivation, but I believe that now I'm on my way. Today, I stepped onto my scale to see a troubling number, though one I'd expected given my less-than-disciplined July 4th weekend. Over the past month or so, I've gained back nearly 10 lbs after losing so much. I thought back to how much self-control I had when I hit my goal. I missed that. Today, my motivation was to get that back.
My eating was spectacularly controlled today, and I capped it off with probably one of my best training runs ever. I feel good, in control, and pumped up.
So maybe that's it. I need to remember this feeling and remember that going out and having a great run will make me feel this good. I still need to find other sources of motivation that don't come from negative emotions, but for now at least, I think I've re-discovered my mojo.
It's never comfortable feeling so out of control. Wherever the motivation comes from, it's time to take back the reins.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Making a Difference
Last weekend, the teacher I had for both 3rd and 4th grades (my favorite teacher) had a retirement party. There, I saw one of my good friends from high school with whom I'd sort of lost touch. I'd known her since I was about 7 years old, and we'd been good friends for a long time.
We're Facebook friends, but it was really great to see her in person for the first time probably since high school.
Immediately she came clean with me.
"I've been sort of Facebook stalking your running and weight loss and I wanted to tell you that you inspired me and I signed up for a 5K!" she said excitedly.
I was totally thrown. In a good way.
I've had a lot of people -- ones that I'm in constant contact with and ones that I haven't spoken to in 10 years -- get in touch with me to talk about my weight loss and my running and ask for advice. That in itself has been awesome. There are some people I've barely ever talked to that have asked me about how I started running and what I did to get where I am.
However, this was the first time that someone I have known for a long time told me that I directly influenced her to sign up for a race, something she has never done before. Just because she knew she could. Because she knew I did.
I've said it before, but when I started losing weight and running, I wasn't really doing it for anyone else but me. But it's turned into something a lot bigger than me. I've had friends give me blog post ideas (because what they suggest would help them out), ask me how I started running, what apps or programs I used to start running and how I changed my eating.
I hope to accommodate all those requests soon. My day job is calling at the moment, but when I have more free time, I will get to those blog requests.
But I would like to say thank you to all the supporters I've had and all the people that have asked me for advice and tips. It means a lot to me to have so many people ask me how I did what I did, because, well, it means I really did something, if that makes any sense.
Thanks again and stay tuned for your requests!
We're Facebook friends, but it was really great to see her in person for the first time probably since high school.
Immediately she came clean with me.
"I've been sort of Facebook stalking your running and weight loss and I wanted to tell you that you inspired me and I signed up for a 5K!" she said excitedly.
I was totally thrown. In a good way.
I've had a lot of people -- ones that I'm in constant contact with and ones that I haven't spoken to in 10 years -- get in touch with me to talk about my weight loss and my running and ask for advice. That in itself has been awesome. There are some people I've barely ever talked to that have asked me about how I started running and what I did to get where I am.
However, this was the first time that someone I have known for a long time told me that I directly influenced her to sign up for a race, something she has never done before. Just because she knew she could. Because she knew I did.
I've said it before, but when I started losing weight and running, I wasn't really doing it for anyone else but me. But it's turned into something a lot bigger than me. I've had friends give me blog post ideas (because what they suggest would help them out), ask me how I started running, what apps or programs I used to start running and how I changed my eating.
I hope to accommodate all those requests soon. My day job is calling at the moment, but when I have more free time, I will get to those blog requests.
But I would like to say thank you to all the supporters I've had and all the people that have asked me for advice and tips. It means a lot to me to have so many people ask me how I did what I did, because, well, it means I really did something, if that makes any sense.
Thanks again and stay tuned for your requests!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Before and After
Before I even ran in my second Turkey Trot, 70 lbs after my first Trot one calendar year ago, I had an idea. The morning before Thursday's race, I went back to the official photos from that first Turkey Trot. I hadn't looked at the photos for some time, and looking at them before the race, I was met with a huge shock.
I was so fat, I thought.
I have a hard time thinking that it was only a year ago that I looked like that. It seems like it was five (or a million) years ago.
I knew I wanted to do a side-by-side "Before and After" with this year's Turkey Trot photos, since I knew it was going to be a dramatic difference.
The photos from this year's Trot came out today.
I think they speak for themselves.
I can't wait for 2013's Turkey Trot.
I was so fat, I thought.
I have a hard time thinking that it was only a year ago that I looked like that. It seems like it was five (or a million) years ago.
I knew I wanted to do a side-by-side "Before and After" with this year's Turkey Trot photos, since I knew it was going to be a dramatic difference.
The photos from this year's Trot came out today.
I think they speak for themselves.
I can't wait for 2013's Turkey Trot.
Friday, November 23, 2012
I Used to Be Fat
With the weather getting colder, I recently walked into the newly-built LA Fitness near my house to join. As I sat with the sales consultant who sold me my membership, I told her about my recent weight loss (at the time, 65 pounds in about 10 months). When another salesman came over to say hello, she told him how much weight I'd lost.
"Wow," he said. "You're a real-life success story!"
It was the first time I'd heard someone call me a success story. I'd never thought of myself that way, but I suppose now that I think about it, I am. And now I'm taking ownership of it.
I wasn't always fat. I was a normal-sized, active child who was also a competitive figure skater. I stopped skating in high school, but even after dropping the skating, I was still a two-sport athlete. In the winter, I played on our girls' ice hockey team, and in the spring, I played on the badminton team.
It was after high school that my weight issues began, particularly in that caloriefest known as college. I entered college wearing a size 6/8 - I left it a size 14. The "Freshman 15" is supposed to be proverbial, but for me, it was a reality. I kept packing it on during college, and after graduation, I went even further off the deep end. By 2009, two years after graduating college, I was a size 18 and weighed 230 lbs.
I went on Jenny Craig in 2009, and by 2010, had successfully lost 55 lbs. But then, I plateaued. Hard. To make matters worse, I lost my job in 2011 and couldn't afford to order Jenny Craig anymore, and I subsequently lost all the forward progress I'd made.
I know now what the problem was. Instead of "changing my lifestyle," I'd learned to eat what was given to me. I thought I'd been changing my lifestyle, but what I really needed to do to change my eating habits hadn't sunk in at all. I had merely been forcing myself to eat the Jenny Craig food, and purposefully attempted to deprive myself of the cheeseburgers and burritos that I really wanted to eat.
Once Jenny Craig was out of the picture, all those deprivations were out the window. That coupled with unemployment meant I was sitting around all day eating those cheeseburgers I had so wanted the whole time I was on Jenny. I gained every pound back, and the size 18 jeans made a terrible reappearance.
The job market was a tough go in DC, and after six months, I was forced to move back in with my parents in the Chicago area in November 2011. I continue to lament the fact that I can't walk anywhere in my small suburb, but on the other hand, it has kept me from wandering two blocks down the street to Chipotle and has put a lot of home-cooked (and calorie-controlled) meals on my plate instead.
After I moved home, I started to lose weight. I'm not even entirely sure how it happened or why it happened, but I started to eat less and eat better food, snack less, and drink less. Fast food became a nauseating prospect, and full-fat cheese became Exorcist-level frightening. By June 2012, I'd lost 50 lbs by sheer diet changes alone.
But I needed to do something more. I'd lost 50 lbs, yes, but I could see my momentum start to slow. I'd never been a big fan of exercise - I hated sweating and doing any sort of exercise that I deemed not fun (which was, well, most exercise). Yet in July, I registered for my second 5K. I was determined to jog most of it, and knocked 10 minutes off my previous time, a Turkey Trot in November 2011 that I walked.
I don't know what happened exactly, but something in me switched on. Running was perhaps my most hated activity previously, and I could never find the motivation to follow through with it. But for some reason, I wanted more. I figured out what could make me exercise: competition. By nature, I'm a very competitive person, and I discovered that competition would give me the motivation to run.
So I purchased a Couch to 5K app on my phone for the internal competition of constantly striving for a better pace, a better time, a harder run. I also bought the Zombies, Run! app, which provided the best external motivation possible: running from zombies. With the two apps, I started running almost every day. From August to November, I lost another 20 lbs, bringing my weight loss total to 70 lbs.
In my second Turkey Trot, one year after a 230 lb walk, I completed a 29:48.7 5K, my first sub-30 race and a PR for sure. It's ridiculous to think about how far I've come in a year, and how much I believe I have really changed my lifestyle for good.
I'm a comfortable size 10 (which I haven't been since early freshman year of college), in a size medium in shirts (which I haven't been since high school), and 160 lbs. But I still have more to go. My goal is to lose 20 more pounds, to put me at a weight that is considered within the normal range for my height. I'd love to fit back into a size 6, but even an 8 would make me happy (though I do already have some size 8 pants that fit me).
I'm thinner and much fitter than I've been in almost 10 years, and I feel like I'm in the best shape of my life, physically and emotionally.
So why start this blog? Whenever I got excited about a new PR or a great workout, I feel like I was bugging my Twitter followers about it (most of them follow me for hockey, and probably don't really care about how my run went today). So for me, this is a place for chronicling my progress, bragging about my latest pace, lamenting hangups, but also reviewing healthy foods and recipes, athletic apparel, local races, and more.
Since I began this journey, I've had people tell me I'm an inspiration. It's a huge compliment, and something I'm still not totally comfortable agreeing with. But if you find inspiration from this blog, I'm glad. I just want to share my story in the hopes that others can believe they can do what I did.
Because it's possible. You can do it. You can run a 5K; you can lose 5, 10, 50 pounds; you can learn to love grilled chicken salads so much more than Five Guys cheeseburgers.
The comment box is always open and I'd love suggestions on new things to try. Thanks for visiting and joining me on the journey.
"Wow," he said. "You're a real-life success story!"
It was the first time I'd heard someone call me a success story. I'd never thought of myself that way, but I suppose now that I think about it, I am. And now I'm taking ownership of it.
I wasn't always fat. I was a normal-sized, active child who was also a competitive figure skater. I stopped skating in high school, but even after dropping the skating, I was still a two-sport athlete. In the winter, I played on our girls' ice hockey team, and in the spring, I played on the badminton team.
It was after high school that my weight issues began, particularly in that caloriefest known as college. I entered college wearing a size 6/8 - I left it a size 14. The "Freshman 15" is supposed to be proverbial, but for me, it was a reality. I kept packing it on during college, and after graduation, I went even further off the deep end. By 2009, two years after graduating college, I was a size 18 and weighed 230 lbs.
I went on Jenny Craig in 2009, and by 2010, had successfully lost 55 lbs. But then, I plateaued. Hard. To make matters worse, I lost my job in 2011 and couldn't afford to order Jenny Craig anymore, and I subsequently lost all the forward progress I'd made.
I know now what the problem was. Instead of "changing my lifestyle," I'd learned to eat what was given to me. I thought I'd been changing my lifestyle, but what I really needed to do to change my eating habits hadn't sunk in at all. I had merely been forcing myself to eat the Jenny Craig food, and purposefully attempted to deprive myself of the cheeseburgers and burritos that I really wanted to eat.
Once Jenny Craig was out of the picture, all those deprivations were out the window. That coupled with unemployment meant I was sitting around all day eating those cheeseburgers I had so wanted the whole time I was on Jenny. I gained every pound back, and the size 18 jeans made a terrible reappearance.
The job market was a tough go in DC, and after six months, I was forced to move back in with my parents in the Chicago area in November 2011. I continue to lament the fact that I can't walk anywhere in my small suburb, but on the other hand, it has kept me from wandering two blocks down the street to Chipotle and has put a lot of home-cooked (and calorie-controlled) meals on my plate instead.
After I moved home, I started to lose weight. I'm not even entirely sure how it happened or why it happened, but I started to eat less and eat better food, snack less, and drink less. Fast food became a nauseating prospect, and full-fat cheese became Exorcist-level frightening. By June 2012, I'd lost 50 lbs by sheer diet changes alone.
But I needed to do something more. I'd lost 50 lbs, yes, but I could see my momentum start to slow. I'd never been a big fan of exercise - I hated sweating and doing any sort of exercise that I deemed not fun (which was, well, most exercise). Yet in July, I registered for my second 5K. I was determined to jog most of it, and knocked 10 minutes off my previous time, a Turkey Trot in November 2011 that I walked.
I don't know what happened exactly, but something in me switched on. Running was perhaps my most hated activity previously, and I could never find the motivation to follow through with it. But for some reason, I wanted more. I figured out what could make me exercise: competition. By nature, I'm a very competitive person, and I discovered that competition would give me the motivation to run.
So I purchased a Couch to 5K app on my phone for the internal competition of constantly striving for a better pace, a better time, a harder run. I also bought the Zombies, Run! app, which provided the best external motivation possible: running from zombies. With the two apps, I started running almost every day. From August to November, I lost another 20 lbs, bringing my weight loss total to 70 lbs.
In my second Turkey Trot, one year after a 230 lb walk, I completed a 29:48.7 5K, my first sub-30 race and a PR for sure. It's ridiculous to think about how far I've come in a year, and how much I believe I have really changed my lifestyle for good.
I'm a comfortable size 10 (which I haven't been since early freshman year of college), in a size medium in shirts (which I haven't been since high school), and 160 lbs. But I still have more to go. My goal is to lose 20 more pounds, to put me at a weight that is considered within the normal range for my height. I'd love to fit back into a size 6, but even an 8 would make me happy (though I do already have some size 8 pants that fit me).
I'm thinner and much fitter than I've been in almost 10 years, and I feel like I'm in the best shape of my life, physically and emotionally.
So why start this blog? Whenever I got excited about a new PR or a great workout, I feel like I was bugging my Twitter followers about it (most of them follow me for hockey, and probably don't really care about how my run went today). So for me, this is a place for chronicling my progress, bragging about my latest pace, lamenting hangups, but also reviewing healthy foods and recipes, athletic apparel, local races, and more.
Since I began this journey, I've had people tell me I'm an inspiration. It's a huge compliment, and something I'm still not totally comfortable agreeing with. But if you find inspiration from this blog, I'm glad. I just want to share my story in the hopes that others can believe they can do what I did.
Because it's possible. You can do it. You can run a 5K; you can lose 5, 10, 50 pounds; you can learn to love grilled chicken salads so much more than Five Guys cheeseburgers.
The comment box is always open and I'd love suggestions on new things to try. Thanks for visiting and joining me on the journey.
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